The United Estates at America by Ryland Homes.
"We the Corporations of many nations, in order to buy a perfect union, purchase justice, sell domestic tranquility insurance, promote the corporate welfare, and bless the securing of liberty for ourselves and our profitability, do Orwell, and embellish this Corprotution for the United Estates at America, by Ryland Homes.”
-New preamble for our new “Corprotution” made possible by John Roberts and the Burrito Supreme Court.... by Taco Bell.
I love it! John Roberts and the Supremes threw out a dilly of a rights advancement... for our non-human, non-animal, non-plant, non-mineral citizens. Now, our corporations have the right to engage in unlimited “free” expensive speech in our political campaigns... they can come up with a “Free Credit Report.com” jingle for a candidate. They can sell you someone you don't want to buy. I say a resounding “fuck it”. If the corporations want to run roughshod over our lives we might as well just take it all the way and let them pay for the government the way we currently have them pay to name football stadiums. Through branding...
This whole idea of naming sports venues after companies and corporate sponsors, was a stupid idea to begin with. When America West and US Airways merged we suddenly almost ended up with two US Airways Arenas; one in Phoenix, one in Pittsburgh. And now the Denver Broncos play the ultimate “man's game” of football in a place with a name that sounds more like someplace where women shop for panties: “Investco Field at Mile High”. Since we don't give a fuck about gracing the places were our sports icons do their thing with decent names, why bother leaving the government with any dignity?
The Burrito Supreme Court by Taco Bell is just the beginning of the unlimited departments and possibilities. There is going to be the Department of the Interior by Weyerhaeuser, the Department of HealthSouth and Humana Services. The Exxon/Mobil, FPL Department of Entergy by Halliburton. The KBR Department of Defense by Lockheed/Martin with Northrup Grumman at Boeing Place.
Then there is the XeIA, the ADT/FBI, the AT&T-NS&A, and of course the H&R Block/IRS.
And the places! The National Mall by Camden Property Trust would finally get a Spencer Gifts, and the Nikon Grand Casinos Canyon NationsBank Park would be on everybody's list of large holes in the ground to visit. There is room on Mount Rushmore for Mr. Clean.... and we will just flat out do away with the term “Department of Agriculture” and call it Monsanto outright (which will give us new names for our forests: the Roundup National Forest System, and patented seeds to plant in them), and the same goes for treasury; name it Goldman Sachs and be done with it.
There would be the Johnson Marine Corps, the Coast Deodorant Soap Guard, and the Aflac Air Force.
The different brigades that form the various services can get sponsors and corporate logos to wear on the digital desert camo... to show the natives what signs their streets could be lined with, if they just settle down and comply with the program... the 82nd Airborne could keep their name but would now have a logo from the “cold prevention” product. The 420th signal corps would become the Motorola Brigade.... etc. And all military uniforms would of course get a Coca-Cola logo stitched right across the back.
To overcome the budget shortfalls the states can sell ad-space in their names. The State of California Pizza Kitchen.... New York the Empire State of mind by Alicia Keys and Jay Z. and the State of Jersey Shore with it's new capitol city “Trumpton”.
Then there is the matter of renaming the few things that do bear peoples names. Anything called “Kennedy” gets the company makeover first... JFK Airport is now Jet Blue Field. The Kennedy Center becomes the Fox News Center, and so on.
And then there is the one thing that will revert back to what it was in the first place; the TSA would once again just be plain old “Wackenhut”. And once we realize that we have just outsourced the government again... we can cut the salaries of all those government employees to what their sponsors would pay...... $6.25 an hour.
Corprotopia... the Alito/Roberts legacy to your suburban empire.com.
Comments
Good post!
Hey Luke. Getting tougher and tougher to write social satire these days ain't it? What with reality encroaching on the previously unimaginable at previously unimaginable rates. Got fascism, anyone?
Another thought
Now that the Supremes have granted the "long-oppressed" corporations of this world equal opportunity - pause for appropriate misty-eyed moment of reflection - and, since most of us - at least the "most of us" who are apparently deemed politically relevant enough to count - are members of corporations, one wonders how much longer it will be until we just cut to the chase and allow the corporate vote to substitute for that of the people. Granted, I've already argued for the inevitabilaty of this process, and, theortetically at least, for its obvious advantages in eliminating the 50%(?) or more of the vote that is simply too uninformed to be counted in any rational election (yes, I'm aware of the statistical averaging effects involved in large numbers). That said, turning the WHOLE DAMN THING over to the corporate interests who are already running things (into the ground?)? I'd swallow REALLY hard before taking THAT bitter horsepill if I had a choice. And I do. For a time at least.